PDUTogepi (pdutogepi) wrote,

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So went the the physio today, was hoping it would be my last time going, but nooope, got more exercises to do and have to go back in another couple of weeks. My session there was being overseen by a physio student today, she was nice, if not a bit uncertain about things since she's still learning, she was being overseen by the regular physio guy though.
I THINK I might be only seeing the student in a couple of weeks. Not sure :o

Anyways, other than that I got my first FiM pony today!! I won a Fluttershy on Ebay so I spent a little while trying to style her hair with warm water and a bit of conditioner (Mostly to try and get all the stray strands together @_@) and she's now drying with a few combs in her mane and tail in the hopes it'll curl her hair how I want it XD But even if that doesn't work out, she already looks a thousand times better than she did when she first came out of the box! Her hair was so frizzy!
I'm hoping to make a collection of these ponies, just cos they're so cute :) And styling their hair is going to be a rather interesting challenge. Gah, I know for a fact I am not gonna be able to live with Rainbow Dash's long hair... might have to brave cutting it when I get round to getting her XD;;

Last night, I tired to remember the ponies I used to have as a kid... I'm pretty sure I had Dream Castle, the Nursery and a school house, building wise... I had a lot of ponies, but the only ones I can seem to remember is that I had a Baby Gusty and a few scented ponies. After looking up scented ponies online, I can at least pinpoint having "Peppermint Crunch", I definitely had one that smelled like mint XD Sadly that's the only two I have memory of, though i know I had much more than that.
Haaa, I'm sad that my parents gave them away when I "out-grew" them now! XD
I have no idea where my parents donated them to, I know they wouldn't of just thrown them away... sadly I wonder if their fate ended up being that eventually anyway...
Ah well, I have Fluttershy now :) And I have some shelf space in the collection room for her and her friends, when I eventually get those!

Other than that, I realized this past week that I didn't really miss work at all. Yeah I sorta missed seeing the people I work with and some of the regulars that i talk to... but other than that, I just didn't miss being there.

I've been reading up a bit on empathy and the traits of being empathic recently, originally it was for a character I have, but as I read through it, I realized that it was putting an explanation to my entire personality and every quirk I've ever had. I dunno, I guess it's easy to relate to things on the internet, but even when I was younger, I always kinda felt like I could "feel" negativity if someone in the same room was angry... and that's how I feel at work. Like negative energy is just pushing down on me and, well, places like supermarkets are sadly just full of people who are frustrated, in a rush and generally don't want to be there. I kinda think my anxiety is partly me picking up on this stuff. Why did the basket till freak me out a lot more than the other tills did? Because the people who go through that are always in a rush, so I felt like I had to rush and started getting worked up because of it.
The sites explain empaths as creative people, quiet people and people who listen to others well when they have a problem and will go out of their way to help someone usually, which describes me quite a bit. I also tend to always find ways to relate to people, when they're explaining a problem they have. It also explained people like this can also be withdrawn and secluded people, which I sorta... half am XD Also just the whole, likes animals, likes nature ect.
Also disliking arguments. This bit described me to a complete T. I hate arguments, whether I'm involved or not, and I always want to find the quickest and most peaceful solution and will avoid arguments at all costs if I can, or try and avoid one starting up between friends. Hell, sometimes even arguments on TV programs upset me.

On top of this the way the sites suggested that empaths when they read people's emotions and can predict what a person is going to do or how they will respond to something is something I've done on occasion completely by random... and in recent times it kinda came off as like an inner warning system to me.
A few years ago I stopped a couple of men using a fake £20 note at the charity shop, because as soon as they walked into the store and were looking at things, I just got the picture in my head that they were gonna try and use a fake note. Around the same year, I was walking home from town and got that incident where a complete stranger walking towards me stopped me and started talking to me randomly, trying to make "friends". I just got the strange feeling he was going to stop me and he did. I also was getting an uncomfortable feeling from him, telling me that he wasn't really stopping me just to be friendly... and that there was a hidden agenda somewhere... he didn't feel trustworthy, so I bolted. There are many other examples too, like suddenly thinking of a person and seeing them only moments later.

And just the whole making other people's emotions your own thing... I mean, the day I injured my knee, yeah I felt a little scared and in pain, but I never felt like I wanted to cry. It was annoying and painful, but I didn't feel upset... then I remember waiting in the waiting room of A&E at my local hospital... there were numerous people coming in with injuries, though most seemed calm. Then there was a little boy who came in with his parents, who had inured his ear after falling off his bike. He was really REALLY upset and just seeing him like that, I just suddenly started feeling just as upset, I had to FORCE myself not to cry like he was crying. Every time I got a strong wave of emotion that almost made me crack into tears, that boy wailed like a second afterwards. It's become a common thing as I've gotten older that if someone near me is upset and crying, I just feel like crying too, even if I don't know what the problem even IS.

I dunno, this all probably makes me sound crazy. Maybe I'm just reaching out for answers, but I dunno, this just feels right to me and just explains SO MUCH.
I guess I'm just looking for a bit of self discovery, since the way I've been feeling with work and other things just confused me. I've been feeling sorta lost, like I have no idea what to do. I've been feeling like there's something about myself that I don't understand, something missing, maybe something I needed to discover about myself... I have no idea.
I'm thinking that once my knee is back to 100%, I may start seriously looking into a private therapist again. I'm thinking it may help the current situation a lot. A private therapist will look at my case as an individual, and not group me as a statistic like the NHS seems to do.
It'll cost, but I think if it can maybe pave the way for me to hopefully become more happier, then it'll be worth it.

Other than that, I wish LiveJournal would stop being so slow and full of fail. I have to keep trying to loads pages 2 or 3 times before it actually decides to load sometimes.
Tags: hospital, injury, my little pony, work
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