PDUTogepi (pdutogepi) wrote,

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Why? Why? WHY!?!

GAH! Why in the hell does my lack of confidence make me do such STUPID things that embarass the hell outta me and makes in this case makes my dad really angry with me >_< WHY? I HATE being unconfident! I hate not being able to do things right! I hate doing stupid things to avoid things! I hate doing stupid things when I try to AVOID doing stupid things! I have just had enough with my total lack of self-confidence and what's worse is that I can be really confident then one thing will happen and it'll set me back a good step or two for the rest of the day, maybe even the week... plus it makes me feel useless and like people hate me.

If ya wanna know why I'm suddenly ranting on this subject it's pure simple... one of the managers at work asked me if I wanted to stop a little longer to help do another section of the store cos soemone hadn't turned in but she asks about half an hour before I go home and I'm tired and hungry and I just wanna go home but to me I just can't tell a person "No, I don't want to" with no other reason... I mean if any of you asked me to do soemthing wouldn't you be upset if I told you I just didn't want too...
...so the stupidness begins...I start saying that my dad might have dinner on already but she just stood there as if to say "And..." So I stupidly agree to ring my dad which I do....but I had to go to the cafetira in the back cos phones don't work anywhere else, so there I am trying to whisper to my dad that she asked me but I didn't want to do it and he's all like "JUST TELL HER NO!" So again I go back and just tell her he HAS got some dinner on and she FINALLY takes that as the answer... leaving my dad as angry as hell and me feeling horribly guilty as hell because I did all this stupid stuff... then after I leave I just get my dad going on at me about how I'll "Have to take some overtime sometime or they'll get rid of you" making me feel even WORSE than I did.

It's not that I don't want the overtime it's because they ask at such stupid times! I prefer them to give me overtime a few days in advance not half an hour before my shift ends >_< I just have this problem saying "No" to people when I have no reason to not do what they're asking me to do >_< I feel so terrible not wanting to do it just cos I don't...

...I'm such an awful, horrible, stupid, STUPID person >_
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